Key Takeaways:
Understanding Power Dynamics: Managing up isn’t just about responding to authority—it’s about recognising the nuances of power as it plays out through charisma, emotional maturity, and communication.
Preserving Your Voice: Aligning with leadership does not require silent compliance. Inviting conversation and maintaining autonomy is possible.
A Reflective Approach: Cultivating curiosity, civility, and clarity can empower you to navigate even the most challenging workplace dynamics.
Managing Up: Is This the Toughest Workplace Relationship?
If you’re feeling stuck in a role where you’re frustrated, disillusioned, and expected to “manage up,” know that you’re not alone. Many professionals share common sentiments, such as:
Annoyance at stock responses like “Don’t bring me problems, bring solutions,” especially when they seem disconnected from real care or willingness to listen.
Disempowerment resulting from micromanagement.
Irritation with shifting expectations and a lack of clarity.
Exasperation over rigid, outdated practices.
Disillusionment from negative feedback or office mudslinging.
Disheartenment over missed chances for advancement.
Anxiety from feeling as if you must walk on eggshells.
Mistrust of hidden agendas.
Frustration with vague strategic plans.
And sometimes, the simple truth that you just don’t click with your boss.
In the midst of these challenges, you may find yourself wondering: can you still focus on the organization’s goals and make meaningful progress, or is the situation simply intolerable?
Reflecting on the Bigger Picture
This post also touches on a core question: How do we know when it’s time to move on, and if so, how can we do so gracefully? Years ago, I developed a checklist prompting self-reflection on key areas such as:
Using Your Strengths: Are you leveraging your gifts and capabilities at least 20% of the time? (By "strengths," I mean those distinct qualities that energise and empower you—which aren’t necessarily the same as simply the skills you’re proficient in.)
Team Dynamics: How well do you connect with your immediate colleagues?
Development Opportunities: What realistic paths for growth are available in your role?
Perspective Shift: 1) If you knew for sure that you’d be moving on to something better (with your professionalism intact) within 12 months, what would you do? How might you approach this? 2) If you could be now your wiser 80 year old self, what would you say?
Managing Up Is Hard
There’s no denying it: managing up is one of the most challenging professional relationships because it’s steeped in inherent power imbalances. Ask yourself: is your experience of managing up weighed down by a manager whose actions seem misguided or self-serving? While it’s tough, consider whether there’s still room for growth in learning from the experience—or if the role is simply unsustainable.
Beyond Transactional Tactics
It’s true that simple strategies—like asking clarifying questions, learning your manager’s working style, or adapting to their preferences—can start to shift the dynamic. However, managing up involves broader factors, such as:
Power dynamics
Organisational culture
Your personal worldview
Your maturity and conflict tolerance
Your unique strengths
Today, let’s zoom in on one integral aspect: power dynamics—and how you relate to them.
1. Understanding Power
Power isn’t restricted to job titles. It shapes every conversation—whether with a boss, a well-connected colleague, or within any system of authority. Consider these facets of power:
Formal Authority: The power that comes from a position.
“Charisma”: The seemingly effortless ability to command attention.
Emotional Maturity: Maintaining calm and presence under pressure.
Cognitive Development: Balancing big-picture thinking with empathy.
Communication Influence: The skill of articulating ideas persuasively.
When you accept a role, you’re agreeing to work within your manager’s framework. Although the idea that “my boss sets the vision and my job is to execute it” may seem banal, it often clashes with our craving for autonomy. David Rock’s SCARF model(1) (Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness, and Fairness) illustrates how our brains are wired to seek social rewards and dodge threats. Handing over your perceived autonomy can feel deeply demotivating, but aligning with a vision doesn’t necessitate silent or passive-aggressive compliance. A little more balance, or perhaps a polarity view, is another option.
2. A Missing Piece: You
At its heart, managing up begins with self-awareness. Your personal agenda and emotional state are pivotal. The challenge is not just to project an image of calm—even when there’s inner turmoil—but to harness that understanding to navigate complex interactions. Many find inspiration in Diane Musho Hamilton’s work on preserving composure during conflict(2). Her approach reminds us that embodied self-awareness is the cornerstone for effectively managing power dynamics.
3. Aligning Without Losing Your Voice
Alignment doesn’t mean you must silence yourself. Instead, consider this approach:
"I’m committed to making this work. That said, would you be open to some feedback on how this approach is landing for me?"
This statement does three things:
Acknowledges the power dynamic without ignoring it.
Invites a constructive conversation rather than sparking resistance.
Leaves space for genuine dialogue, reinforcing mutual respect even in a hierarchical setting.
4. Handling Communication Breakdowns
Breakdowns happen. Even the strongest teams experience moments of miscommunication or avoidance under pressure. The key here is progress, not perfection. Some days you’ll glide through power dynamics, and on others, you might wish you’d handled things differently. Each experience is a stepping stone that builds your capacity to manage future breakdowns with greater maturity and courage.
5. Building Power Fluency
Like any skill, fluency in navigating authority improves with time and practice. Small, consistent adjustments can gradually shift the power dynamic toward mutual growth. Consider these practical tips:
Cultivate Curiosity: Ask what is driving the other person’s behaviour.
Express Your Needs Clearly: Practice sharing your perspective without triggering defensiveness. For example, you might say, “I see this differently…”
Handle Tension with Civility: Use conflict as a creative tool rather than viewing it solely as an obstacle. Remember, trust is built through rupture and repair. While ruptures may destabilise relationships temporarily (or permanently), they also offer opportunities for deeper, more honest conversations that can lead to surprising new paths.
(More on feedback loops in future posts.)
Final Thought: Power, Redefined
Remember, power isn’t solely about authority. As we grow, our understanding and exercise of power can become more collaborative and inclusive. Embracing this evolution means transforming hierarchical interactions into opportunities for genuine, human dialogue. The goal isn’t to “win” every debate but to foster conversations that feel real and mutually beneficial.
Your Move: Next time you sense a power imbalance, name it—and decide how best to engage.
What’s your biggest challenge in navigating workplace authority? I’d love to hear your experiences and thoughts—let’s continue the conversation together.
If you found these insights valuable, please consider sharing it with someone who’s managing a challenging upward relationship.
References:
Rock, D. (2008). SCARF: A brain-based model for collaborating with and influencing others. NeuroLeadership Journal, 1(1), 1-9.
Hamilton, D. M. (2013). Everything is workable: A Zen approach to conflict resolution. Shambhala Publications.
For further insights, check out Diane Musho Hamilton’s talks on conflict resolution and managing workplace dynamics.